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Things I Never Said, but Wish I Had…

 

Acting

Arrogance

Fame

General Artistry

Gum’ment

Invention

Love

Martial Arts

Progress

Religion

Sanity

Vice and Virtue

Writing

Random Shtuff

Anonymi

 

Acting

You're an actor, are you? Well, all that means is: you are irresponsible, irrational, romantic, and incapable of handling an adult emotion or a universal concept without first reducing it to something personal, material, sensational -- and probably sexual!
- George Herman, A Company of Wayward Saints

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Arrogance

 

I do not take drugs. I am drugs.

- Salvador Dali

 

When I was a child, my mother said to me, "If you become a soldier you'll be a general. If you become a

monk you'll end up as the pope." Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.

-Pablo Picasso

 

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

- Bertrand Russell

 

I am not young enough to know everything.

- Oscar Wilde

 

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Fame

 

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

-Woody Allen

 

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

-Napoleon Bonaparte

 

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

- Niccolo Machiavelli

 

There is one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
- Oscar Wilde

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General Artistry

 

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

- Antoine de St. Exupery

I don't want life to imitate art. I want life to be art.
- Carrie Fisher

What is an artist? For every thousand people there's nine hundred doing the work, ninety doing well, nine doing good, and one lucky bastard who's the artist.
- Tom Stoppard

True ornament is not a matter of prettifying externals. It is organic with the structure it adorns, whether a person, a building, or a park. At its best, it is an emphasis of structure, a realization in graceful terms of the nature of that which is ornamented.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

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Gum’ment

 

Giving government money and power is like giving car keys and whiskey to a teenage boy.

- P.J. O'Rourke

 

You can't get good chinese takeout in China and cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.

-P.J. O’Rourke

 

How did an allegedly free people spawn a vast, rampant cuttlefish of dominion with its tentacles in every orifice of the body politic?

-P.J. O'Rourke

 

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.

-Joseph Stalin

 

Listen, strange women, lyin' in ponds, distributin' swords, is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony! You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ‘cause some watery tart threw a sword at you. Why, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

- “Dennis,” Monty Python And The Holy Grail

 

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Invention

 

When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a

hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before.

-Jacob Riis

 

To make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

-Carl Sagan

 

If you took away everything in the world that had to be invented, there'd be nothing left except a lot of people getting rained on.

-Tom Stoppard

 

Who was the first guy that looked at a cow and said, "I think that I'll drink whatever comes out of those

things when I squeeze them?

-Bill Watterson (from "Calvin And Hobbes")

 

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Love

 

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
- Woody Allen

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

- George Bernard Shaw

 

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

-Socrates

 

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Martial Arts

 

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

- Sir Winston Churchill

 

The ultimate aim of karate lies not in victory nor defeat, but in the perfection of the character of its participants.

- Master Gichin Funakoshi

 

When two tigers fight, one is certain to be maimed, and one to die.

- Master Funakoshi

 

Unarmed hand-to-hand fighting does not change through the ages; only the name changes, and it has only one rule: do it first, do it fast, do it dirtiest.

- Robert A. Heinlein

 

If you don't realize you can kill someone with a bokken, I don't want you using one in MY dojo...

- Frederick Lovret

 

It should be easy to spot a black belt in a crowd, s/he should walk like a Marine on roller skates

- Fredrick Lovret

 

Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.

- Paul Rodriguez

 

Do not get into a fight if you can possibly avoid it, but never hit soft. Don't ever hit a man unless you must, but if you hit him, put him to sleep.

- Theodore Roosevelt

 

Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.

-Carl Sandburg

 

Anger clouds the mind, Raphael.

-Splinter

 

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

-Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower

 

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Progress

 

In Italy, for 30 years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo daVinci, and the renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

-“Harry Lime” (Orson Welles), The Third Man.

 

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Religion

 

A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.

-James Feibleman

 

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo Galilei

 

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

-Aldous Huxley

 

I would have made a good Pope.

- Richard M. Nixon

 

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand

why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

-Stephen Roberts

 

Hell is other people.

-Jean-Paul Sartre

 

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Sanity

 

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

-Niels Bohr

 

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are OK, then it's you.

-Rita Mae Brown

 

In a mad world, only the mad are sane.

-Akiro Kurosawa

 

Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, people, and times, it is the rule.

-Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Sanity is a cozy lie.

-Susan Sontag

 

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Vice and Virtue

 

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

-Dave Barry

 

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the sources of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

- P. J. O'Rourke

I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again.
- Bart Simpson

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
- Elizabeth Taylor

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
- Oscar Wilde

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
- Oscar Wilde

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.
- Oscar Wilde

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Writing

 

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

-- Douglas Adams

 

An editor can be fired…not so a writer. He cannot be fired. He might be rejected, he might fail, he might starve, he might be forced to keep body and soul together by taking some menial (i.e., non-writing) employment, he might be ignored by the critics and denounced by the public—but he was a writer, a failed writer, an unsuccessful writer, a starving writer, a writer. No editor could change that fact.

- Isaac Asimov, Murder at the ABA

The original writer is not he who refrains from imitating others, but he who can be imitated by none.
- Francois-Rene de Chateaubriand

Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal.
- T. S. Eliot

Why don't you write books people can read?

- Nora Joyce to her husband James

 

You have to have something vicious in you to be a creative writer...God save me from being 'nice'.
- D.H. Lawrence

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
- A. J. Liebling

Anyone may be an honorable man, and yet write verse badly.
- Moliere

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
- Paul Valery

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
- Oscar Wilde

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Random Shtuff

 

Teaching is the process by which the notes of the professor become the notes of the student without

passing through the mind of either.

-Woody Allen

 

It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.

-Isaac Asimov

 

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

- William Jennings Bryan

 

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

-Al Capone

 

Sometimes I think we're alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we're not. In both cases the thought is

equally shocking.

-Arthur C. Clarke

 

Like the Germans, the Dutch fall into two quite distinct physical types: the small, corpulent, red-faced Edams, and the thinner, paler, larger Goudas.
-Alan Coren

He would make a lovely corpse.

- Charles Dickens

 

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

-Philip K. Dick

 

I don't know why it is we are in such a hurry to get up when we fall down. You might think we would lie there and rest for a while.

-Max Eastman

 

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

-Albert Einstein

Delicious in a way that only truly awful, stupefyingly unhealthy food can be. Delicious in a way that vegetables can only dream of being.
-Ben Elton

Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Television: a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well-done.
-Ernie Kovacs

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
-H.L. Mencken

Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I accomplish.
- Michelangelo

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

-Jean-Paul Sartre

I can do you blood and love without the rhetoric, and I can do you blood and rhetoric without the love and I can do you all three concurrent or consecutive but I can't do you love and rhetoric without blood. Blood is compulsory -- they're all blood you see.
- Tom Stoppard, Ros and Guil are Dead

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

- Igor Stravinsky

 

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Voltaire

 

Though LSD and some kindred alkaloids have had an amazingly bad press, there seems to be no doubt of their immense and growing value.

- William G. Wilson, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous

Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

In any man who dies, there dies with him
his first snow and kiss and fight...
No people die but worlds die in them.
-- Yevgeny Yevtushenko

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Anonymi

Social tact is making your company feel at home, even though you wish they were.

 

Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in

your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.

 

The fastest draw is when the sword never leaves the scabbard,

The strongest way to block, is never to provoke a blow,

And the cleanest cut is the one withheld.

 

Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.

 

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

 

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